How Drag Race Saved My Life
RuPaul: serving charisma, uniqueness, nerve, talent… and maybe a little tectonic activity.
You see these astonishingly talented people on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Queens with charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent ready to take on the world—or so it seems at first glance. But if you watch closely, Drag Race is about so much more than fabulous looks and lip-sync battles. It’s a masterclass in human nature, confidence, and self-doubt.
Every Friday night my girlfriend and I crash on the couch after a long week and turn on the TV. For the next hour and a half, we’re immersed in a world of boundless creativity, where drag queens dazzle with their artistry, imagination, and unparalleled ability to command a stage. Week after week they leave us laughing, cheering, and crying with their ingenuity and talent. There’s nothing quite like the joy of witnessing people transforming themselves into living works of art right before our eyes. Queens with charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent appear more than ready to take on the world, but self-doubt often shows up to cloud their path. Their talent is undeniable, but believing in themselves is often the real challenge. If you watch closely, RuPaul’s Drag Race is about so much more than fabulous looks and lip-sync battles. It’s a masterclass in human nature, confidence, and self-doubt.
RuPaul, as a figure, is complicated. He’s been a pioneer in bringing drag into the mainstream and giving countless queens a platform to shine. He was out, proud, and unapologetic, paving the way for queer visibility in the media long before it was safe to do so. His braveness in shining through adversity made him a trailblazer for the LGBTQ+ community, inspiring generations to embrace their authentic selves. However, he’s rightfully been criticized for problematic statements and decisions that have excluded or hurt members of the LGBTQ+ community, particularly our trans brothers and sisters. Additionally, there have been concerns about his environmental impact, particularly regarding fracking on his ranch. Beyond that, RuPaul is also a capitalist, building an empire through the show, his music, merchandise, and various branding deals. While success isn’t inherently bad, accumulating extreme wealth raises questions about his priorities. In a world where drag is rooted in community and resilience, hoarding wealth can feel misaligned with the values of the very culture he helped bring to the mainstream.
I’m someone who believes that people are capable of growing and adapting. Over the years, RuPaul has made changes to the show, broadening its inclusivity and updating its language to be more reflective of the evolving conversations within the community. While acknowledging his missteps, we can also recognize his contributions and capacity for change. This chapter isn’t about defending or condemning him. Instead, it’s about the core message that Drag Race has championed- authenticity, self-acceptance, and the power of knowing who you are. While the messenger may be flawed, the message has transformed lives, including mine.
RuPaul’s Drag Race is a competition reality show where drag queens battle it out in a series of challenges designed to test their creativity, charisma, and performance skills. Contestants must prove themselves in costume design and sewing, comedy, dancing, singing, and acting, all while maintaining a captivating stage presence. Thousands of hopeful queens submit video auditions each season, but only a select few make it onto the show. These queens are among the best of the best, immensely talented and full of potential. Yet, the biggest hurdle they often face isn’t their skill level. It’s their own self-doubt. Many queens crumble under pressure, not because they lack talent, but because they stop believing in themselves. Each week, one queen is eliminated, and their dream of winning the crown slips away. Sometimes this is because they struggled in a particular challenge, or other times because they got in their own heads. The competition is fierce, with the winner walking away with a cash prize, a crown, and a spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame. But more than that, the real prize is proving to themselves that they have what it takes to succeed.
When the queens walk into the “Werk Room” for the first time, they’re serving bold entrances and over-the-top outfits. It’s easy to judge a book by its cover, but as the season progresses, you really get to know these people. The queen who strutted in with intense confidence might secretly lack genuine self-esteem, and it shows when the competition heats up. Confidence can be faked, but real self-esteem can’t be diminished.
There are some queens who never find their confidence at all. They typically sashay away within the first few episodes. Then there are the queens who start out excited and confident, but somewhere along the way begin to doubt themselves and forget who they are. These are the queens RuPaul works hardest to encourage, silencing their inner saboteur and reminding them that they are talented, smart, and capable. Finally, there are the rare queens who show up fully knowing who they are. They walk in, know exactly what they have to offer, and don’t question it for a second. These queens make history.
After watching these crises of identity and confidence unfold season after season, I realized I had become one of those queens stuck in my own head. I wasn’t the confident queen who knew her worth. I wasn’t even the queen waiting for RuPaul to pep-talk me back to life. I was the queen who had stopped believing in herself entirely. The person I thought I was as a kid- cool, artistic, funny, lovable, creative- was still in there somewhere, but I buried her. I hid my authentic self in fear that someone might see through me and declare me a fraud. It was like an alarm went off in my head, and I was able to fully see my own self-doubt reflected in the queens' struggles, prompting me to abruptly stop and reevaluate who I am, and what I wanted out of my life.
The thing is, I know precisely who I am. You know who you are, too. Deep down, you’ve always known. That voice inside you? It’s the same one you’ve been hearing since you were a kid. The one that knows what lights you up, the one that’s drawn to your heroes, the one that whispers, “You’re special.” At some point, many of us start telling that voice to pipe down. Maybe it was when someone told you to “grow up” or “be realistic.” Maybe it was when you decided it was safer to fit in than to stand out. Think back to when you were a kid, did you think you were cute? Funny? Smart? When did someone convince you otherwise? And why did you believe them?
For so long, you let your inner child be bullied into submission, not only with the words of others that planted seeds of self-doubt, but also the ones you planted yourself, and cultivated with water and fertile soil, resulting in a garden of self-criticism and judgment. Sure, maybe someone mocked your laugh, dismissed your passions, or told you that your dreams were unrealistic, but beyond their words, you also took on the role of your own worst critic, internalizing those doubts and reinforcing them again and again. Over time, you learned to shrink yourself, to dim your light, to mold yourself into something more palatable and more acceptable. But that child inside you never stopped wanting to be seen, heard, and loved for exactly who they are.
The thing is, you’re not that scared kid anymore. You are the one in charge now. You get to decide whether you let that child continue to live in fear or if you finally give them the freedom they always deserved. Will they be glad you silenced your joy, turned down the volume on your true self, and let the saboteur run the show? Or will they celebrate that you finally stepped up, silenced the doubts, and reclaimed who you are?
The cost of listening to the wrong voice is that your dreams shrink, your confidence fades, and the life you’re meant to live just slips through your fingers. When you tune back in and you hear that voice saying, “You know who you are, and you have what it takes,” that’s when everything starts to fall into place; when you take control, own your power, and step fully into your potential.
Here’s the good news: it’s never too late to change the channel. That voice inside you, the one that knows exactly who you are, is still there. It’s waiting for you to listen. And now, you are the one who can protect it. You are the adult in the room, the one who can nurture and encourage that inner child to shine, to show themself authentically and without fear.
If you want to reconnect with that voice, try looking back at who you were as a child. Set a picture of your younger self as your phone background. Think about what that kid loved, what made them happy, what they dreamed of. Write a letter to them, reminding them that they are still with you, and that their hopes and dreams still matter. Revisit activities that made you feel joyful and free. Whether it’s drawing, dancing, singing, or just lying in the grass staring at the sky; you can find ways to honor that child inside you. They never left, and you are the only one who can help them thrive. Treat every experience like it’s the first time. Take in every moment with a sense of awe and curiosity. Let yourself rediscover the magic in simple joys, creativity, and dreaming big. That voice inside you is ready to be heard again, and this time, you’re strong enough to listen.
Remember those confident queens who make history? It makes for a great season finale, but the better stories are the ones about comebacks. The queens who stumble, get lost in self-doubt, and then find their way back, silence the inner saboteur, reclaim who they are, and show the world their voice and everything they have to offer. That’s the real magic of Drag Race. The best stories aren’t just about overcoming. They’re about returning to yourself, realizing that you were never lost, but just waiting to be found again by the one person who needed to see you most- you.
If you’re ready to explore this path and reconnect with your authentic self, head to guideandseekcoaching.com. Let’s find that voice together.
